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RATE OF BAD MUTATIONS ON THE RISE ACCORDING
TO CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL STUDY

SAN FRANCISCO (February 7) -- Are mutants for real? According to the Center for Disease control,
the rate of harmful mutations among humans has increased at a steady rate since the early
part of the nineteenth century. Genetic Researchers at the University of San Francisco
speculate this rate has nearly doubled within the last five years. Peter S. Zimmerman, head of
the university's Human Genome Program, has corroborated these findings in his new book,
Mutants Among Us. According to Zimmerman, "The problem has long since moved from simple
disease-linked cellular mutations such as breast cancer and other hereditary diseases to
those involving dangerous and often uncontrollable physical abilities." These abilities
range from enhanced optical skills and superior strength, to telekinesis and magnetic
attraction. There are even reports in his book of children levitating school buses and
"taking flight" for brief periods of time.
Although scientists have long been aware of this phenomenon, few have gone public with
their findings for fear of ostracism from the scientific community. Individuals who have
attempted to raise awareness with their research have complained of censure from their
departments and, in some cases, dismissal. Says one genetic researcher, "The public remains
stubbornly in the dark on this issue. What they don't realize is that they are staring down
the barrel of one of the most dangerous forces we've seen since the invention of the
atom bomb."
Researchers are not the only ones concerned about the increasing reports of mutant
"super-human" activity. Says one NSA official who spoke under conditions of anonymity,
"The long term implications are terrifying. When we can no longer assume a reasonable limit
for human ability, implementing security measures will prove next to impossible. Defense
systems, financial institutions, and personal property - even your own mind - will become
vulnerable." Another unnamed agency official concurs, "When you factor in the mutant problem,
all bets are off".
Zimmerman hopes that his research will aid legislators and law enforcement officials in drafting
policies to monitor and contain this dangerous trend. When queried about "mutant profiling,"
however, the NSA, FBI and CIA all declined comment.
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